Anyone else with porcelain fillings? Or clean teeth?

The Thing

(2011)

Unnecessary, but nearly very good, prequel to Carpenter's classic. It was asking for trouble to tell the backstory of the Norwegian base as (a) we know it can't be that different to what Kurt and co experience and (b) it's the not knowing every detail that makes it so intriguing . Although the latter is exactly what Prometheus is doing, and I've been swayed to intrigue on that one.

First-timer Matthijs van Heijingen Jr does a commendable job directing; one of the criticisms I read was that the film sacrifices suspense and just gets into the action. I didn't find that to be so. While this isn't a slow-burn the way Carpenter's film is, I found it frequently edge-of-the-seat. Another complaint is the CGI, and there are a few egregious moments where attempts to enhance physical effects flat-out fail (I think all the ones that stood out involved characters’ faces). But for the most part the effects were extremely good, in particularly some of the fully mobile creature ones (there were a couple of moments where the Doctor Who’s The Lazarus Experiment flashed through my mind at the climax, though). I liked the idea that creature is not as cunning here as it will be in the American camp; it's learning.

Plot-wise, there's a fair amount of hoop-jumping to position the various characters in the places they need to be. While the hitting of the marks that create the destroyed base in the Carpenter film feel fairly seamless, elsewhere some of them aren't (the most obvious being the exposure of the ship as revealed in the 1982 film - why ignore that if you're trying to be precise?) A few of the choices that partially replicate scenes aren't original enough as a whole not to evoke unwelcome deja vu (the idea for the test is quite neat - one which suggests Childs was not a thing - but then having a flamethrower fail felt like a repeated call back too far). And, although it yielded a fair bit of suspense, the trip inside the spaceship showed up that no one making it had an original idea for what to show us. On that level it would probably have been best to leave it, although what we see at least doesn't serve up some shitty answers (such as, was it even the Thing's ship?) I also liked the end credits' linking up with the 1982 film (although the characters are the wrong way round, apparently); the decision to go to the ship for some wallop meant at least every i wasn't dotted and t crossed on that score.

As for Winstead and Eggerton, it's a fair criticism that they shouldn't be there (and if the argument is that they wouldn't have made the film if it had all been subtitled with hairy Norwegians, I'd probably on balance say, "Well don't make it, then"). Eggerton's a bit too sub-Russell, but at least they don't copy all the latter's character beats, while Winstead manages to overcome the unlikeliness of one so young being foremost in her scientific field by giving a compelling performance.

I'd have preferred a completely new version (after all, we've had two more Body Snatchers since Kaufmann's) but this manages not to piss on Carpenter's if not quite justifying its existence.

***1/2

Comments

Mondo bizarro. No offence man, but you’re in way over your head.

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You have done well to keep so much hair, when so many’s after it.

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I tell you, it saw me! The hanged man’s asphyx saw me!

The Asphyx (1972) (SPOILERS) There was such a welter of British horror from the mid 60s to mid 70s, even leaving aside the Hammers and Amicuses, that it’s easy to lose track of them in the shuffle. This one, the sole directorial effort of Peter Newbrook (a cameraman for David Lean, then a cinematographer), has a strong premise and a decent cast, but it stumbles somewhat when it comes to taking that premise any place interesting. On the plus side, it largely eschews the grue. On the minus, directing clearly wasn’t Newbrook’s forte, and even aided by industry stalwart cinematographer Freddie Young (also a go-to for Lean), The Aspyhx is stylistically rather flat.

You’re a disgrace, sir... Weren’t you at Harrow?

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Isn’t it true, it’s easier to be a holy man on the top of a mountain?

The Razor’s Edge (1984) (SPOILERS) I’d hadn’t so much a hankering as an idle interest in finally getting round to seeing Bill Murray’s passion project. Partly because it seemed like such an odd fit. And partly because passion isn’t something you tend to associate with any Murray movie project, involving as it usually does laidback deadpan. Murray, at nigh-on peak fame – only cemented by the movie he agreed to make to make this movie – embarks on a serious-acting-chops dramatic project, an adaptation of W Somerset Maugham’s story of one man’s journey of spiritual self-discovery. It should at least be interesting, shouldn’t it? A real curio? Alas, not. The Razor’s Edge is desperately turgid.

My Doggett would have called that crazy.

The X-Files 9.4: 4-D I get the impression no one much liked Agent Monica Reyes (Annabeth Gish), but I felt, for all the sub-Counsellor Troi, empath twiddling that dogged her characterisation, she was a mostly positive addition to the series’ last two years (of its main run). Undoubtedly, pairing her with Doggett, in anticipation of Gillian Anderson exiting just as David Duchovny had – you rewatch these seasons and you wonder where her head was at in hanging on – made for aggressively facile gender-swapped conflict positions on any given assignment. And generally, I’d have been more interested in seeing how two individuals sympathetic to the cause – her and Mulder – might have got on. Nevertheless, in an episode like 4-D you get her character, and Doggett’s, at probably their best mutual showing.

You know what I sometimes wish? I sometimes wish I were ordinary like you. Ordinary and dead like all the others.

Séance on a Wet Afternoon (1964) (SPOILERS) Bryan Forbes’ adaptation of Mark McShane’s 1961’s novel has been much acclaimed. It boasts a distinctive storyline and effective performances from its leads, accompanied by effective black-and-white cinematography from Gerry Turpin and a suitably atmospheric score from John Barry. I’m not sure Forbes makes the most of the material, however, as he underlines Séance on a Wet Afternoon ’s inherently theatrical qualities at the expense of its filmic potential.

A ship is the finest nursery in the world.

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The best thing in the world for the inside of a man or a woman is the outside of a horse.

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Schnell, you stinkers! Come on, raus!

Private’s Progress (1956) (SPOILERS) Truth be told, there’s good reason sequel I’m Alright Jack reaps the raves – it is, after all, razor sharp and entirely focussed in its satire – but Private’s Progress is no slouch either. In some respects, it makes for an easy bedfellow with such wartime larks as Norman Wisdom’s The Square Peg (one of the slapstick funny man’s better vehicles). But it’s also, typically of the Boulting Brothers’ unsentimental disposition, utterly remorseless in rebuffing any notions of romantic wartime heroism, nobility and fighting the good fight. Everyone in the British Army is entirely cynical, or terrified, or an idiot.

Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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