Jean Claude, I'll tear down the Eiffel Tower if I have to!

Taken

(2008)

An appalling script, truly abysmal. But the action beats here are clean and efficient, and when something like Quantum of Solace is such a visual mess such a merit should not be undervalued.

Liam Neeson's CIA operative has retired in order to sit around all day obsessing over his teenage daughter and getting depressed when her stepdad buys her a horse for her birthday. She wants to go to Europe to follow U2 on tour (!) but he knows it's very dangerous to leave America, Paris especially so as it's full of people who don't wash. As happens with all teenagers obsessed with Bono, the daughter is kidnapped in order to be sold into a life of sex slavery. By Albanians.

Yes, Albanians. I'd like to think this is an in-joke relating to Peter Falk's character in Aunt Julia & the Scriptwriter, who offends Albanians just to offend someone. I suspect producer Luc Besson and co chose Albanians because, well, who the hell knows anything about Albanians? And who cares if they’re pissed off?

**1/2

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Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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