Stephen didn't have to persuade me to play Lincoln but I had to persuade him that perhaps if I was going do it that Lincoln shouldn't be a musical.

Oscar Winners 2013

I didn’t watch the Oscars ceremony. By all accounts I was lucky, as it seems Seth McFarlane went down like a bag of cold sick (although, "I would argue that the actor who really got inside Lincoln's head was John Wilkes Booth" is quite a good line). Bring back Letterman.

By my reckoning I go 11 picks right out of 24. Pretty piss-poor, though I make no apologies for my randomness and lack of “professional” insight.

Argo seemed to gather up an unstoppable momentum over the last six weeks or so and the Affleck director nomination snub only appeared to spur its underdog status on. My bet on Lincoln was for the Hollywood love of prestige and importance, but I probably underestimated the extent to which many found it slightly dull. That, and Spielberg fatigue. And, Hollywood loves nothing more than films that validate Hollywood (Argo makes them heroes!)

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the evening was Christoph Waltz’s Best Supporting Actor victory for Django Unchained. I don’t think many thought a return visit to a showy, charismatic supporting part in a Tarantino film would yield further dividends and the actor seemed slightly taken aback too.

Best Picture

Winner: Argo

I called Lincoln. Clooney gets yet another Oscar in yet another category.

Best Director

Winner: Ang Lee

My guess for Spielberg proved significantly out (Lincoln went home with 2, not the 5 I suggested). Nikki Finke would have us believe the Academy hates Steven, although she’s never short of hyperbole. I’ll readily admit to not expecting Lee, mainly because he’s already bagged a statue. Although, looking at the other contenders, who’d have been next in line if Spielberg was ruled out. The other three were definitely outsiders.

Best Actor

Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis

As expected by all and sundry.

Best Actress

Winner: Jennifer Lawrence

Again, as expected. There was some talk of Emmanuelle Riva but giving it to someone because they are old is a fickle as the same decision because they are young. It’s the Jessica Tandy factor.

Best Supporting Actor

Winner: Christoph Waltz

I’d settled on De Niro, although I didn’t think he really deserved it. This category desperately needs a few nominees who aren’t previous winders next time round.

Best Supporting Actress

Winner: Anne Hathaway

Curiously, I’d blanked that I picked Field from this field. I think it was Hathaway saturation (which, in respect of Lincoln, is considered one of the reasons for Argo’s resurgence).

Best Original Screenplay

Winner: Django Unchained

This, I didn’t expect. I went for Amour; I don’t think Flight and Moonrise Kingdom ever seriously had a shot and I ruled out Django for the same reason as Zero Dark Thirty; controversy. I guess Tarantino shut my butt down there.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Winner: Argo

I had it as the runner-up to Lincoln; it’s been accused of the same fast and loose treatment of history as ZD30 but has the benefit of obscurity and comedy.

Best Editing

Winner: Argo

My sole ZD30 pick was this one; while I did have Argo in an editing category, it was for Sound Editing.

Best Cinematography

Winner: Life of Pi

No contention here, and my pick (although I prefer the work on Skyfall).

Best Art Direction

Winner: Lincoln

Wouldn’t you know it? Of all the areas I picked Lincoln, this wasn’t one.

Best Costume Design

Winner: Anna Karenina

A fizzling adaptation as this was, the costumes were very natty (but, then, so was the Art Direction).

Best Make-up

Winner: Les Miserables

Not a lot of debate necessary for this one.

Best Visual Effects

Winner: Life of Pi

Nor this. There’s added resonance to this win, with the issues surrounding Rhythm & Hues problems.

Best Sound

Winner: Les Miserables

Didn’t see that coming. I went for Argo.

Best Sound Editing

Winner: Skyfall & Zero Dark Thirty

TWO winner and I couldn’t get either right!!

Best Original Score

Winner: Life of Pi

I found this score derivative, but it repearted its Globes success. Shame Skyfall didn’t get recognition.

Best Original Song

Winner: Skyfall

It didn’t crumb-o at the last hurdle.

Best Animated Feature

Winner: Brave

I went for the safe choice and it proved correct; Wreck-It-Ralph would have been a bit too hip for the Academy.

Best Foreign Language Picture

Winner: Amour

A shoe-in.

Best Documentary Feature

Winner: Searching for Sugar Man

It did seem most likely; popular and uncontroversial.

Best Documentary Short

Winner: Inocente

I hadn’t a clue.

Best Animated Short

Winner: Paperman

The one that had Disney marketing behind it won. Surprise.

Best Live Action Short

Winner: Curfew

Who knew?

Lincoln – 2 (I predicted 5)

Silver Linings Playbook – 1 (predicted 2)

Life of Pi – 4 (predicted 2)

Amour – 1 (precited 2)

Argo -3 (predicted 2)

Anna Karenina – 1 (predicted 2)

Skyfall – 2 (predicted 2)

Zero Dark Thirty – 1 (predicted 1)

Les Miserables – 3 (predicted 1)

Django Unchained – 2 (predicted 0)

Comments

My name is Dr. King Schultz, this is my valet, Django, and these are our horses, Fritz, and Tony.

Django Unchained (2012)
(MINOR SPOILERS) Since the painful misstep of Grindhouse/Death Proof, Quentin Tarantino has regained the higher ground like never before. Pulp Fiction, his previous commercial and critical peak, has been at very least equalled by the back-to-back hits of Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained. Having been underwhelmed by his post Pulp Fiction efforts (albeit, I admired his technical advances as a director in Kill Bill), I was pleasantly surprised by Inglourious Basterds. It was no work of genius (so not Pulp Fiction) by any means, but there was a gleeful irreverence in its treatment of history and even to the nominal heroic status of its titular protagonists. Tonally, it was a good fit for the director’s “cool” aesthetic. As a purveyor of postmodern pastiche, where the surface level is the subtext, in some ways he was operating at his zenith. Django Unchained is a retreat from that position, the director caught in the tug between his all-important aesthetic pr…

She writes Twilight fan fiction.

Vampire Academy (2014)
My willingness to give writer Daniel Waters some slack on the grounds of early glories sometimes pays off (Sex and Death 101) and sometimes, as with this messy and indistinct Young Adult adaptation, it doesn’t. If Vampire Academy plods along as a less than innovative smart-mouthed Buffy rip-off that might be because, if you added vampires to Heathers, you would probably get something not so far from the world of Joss Whedon. Unfortunately inspiration is a low ebb throughout, not helped any by tepid direction from Daniel’s sometimes-reliable brother Mark and a couple of hopelessly plankish leads who do their best to dampen down any wit that occasionally attempts to surface.

I can only presume there’s a never-ending pile of Young Adult fiction poised for big screen failure, all of it comprising multi-novel storylines just begging for a moment in the Sun. Every time an adaptation crashes and burns (and the odds are that they will) another one rises, hydra-like, hoping…

I don’t think you will see President Pierce again.

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018)
(SPOILERS) The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and other tall tales of the American frontier is the title of "the book" from which the Coen brothers' latest derives, and so announces itself as fiction up front as heavily as Fargo purported to be based on a true story. In the world of the portmanteau western – has there even been one before? – theme and content aren't really all that distinct from the more familiar horror collection, and as such, these six tales rely on sudden twists or reveals, most of them revolving around death. And inevitably with the anthology, some tall tales are stronger than other tall tales, the former dutifully taking up the slack.

One day you will speak and the jungle will listen.

Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle (2018)
(SPOILERS) The unloved and neglected Jungle Book movie that wasn't Disney’s, Jungle Book: Origins was originally pegged for a 2016 release, before being pushed to last year, then this, and then offloaded by Warner Bros onto Netflix. During which time the title changed to Mowgli: Tales from the Jungle Book, then Mowgli, and finally Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle. The assumption is usually that the loser out of vying projects – and going from competing with a near $1bn grossing box office titan to effectively straight-to-video is the definition of a loser – is by its nature inferior, but Andy Serkis' movie is a much more interesting, nuanced affair than the Disney flick, which tried to serve too many masters and floundered with a finale that saw Mowgli celebrated for scorching the jungle. And yes, it’s darker too. But not grimdarker.

A steed is not praised for its might, but for its thoroughbred qualities.

The Avengers Season 3 Ranked - Worst to Best
Season Three is where The Avengers settles into its best-known form – okay, The Grandeur that was Rome aside, there’s nothing really pushing it towards the eccentric heights it would reach in the Rigg era – in no small part due to the permanent partnering of Honor Blackman with Patrick Macnee. It may not be as polished as the subsequent incarnations, but it has the appeal of actively exploring its boundaries, and probably edges out Season Five in the rankings, which rather started to believe its own hype.

You look like an angry lizard!

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
(SPOILERS) I can quite see a Queen fan begrudging this latest musical biopic for failing to adhere to the facts of their illustrious career – but then, what biopic does steer a straight and true course? – making it ironic that they're the main fuel for Bohemian Rhapsody's box office success. Most other criticisms – and they're legitimate, on the whole – fall away in the face of a hugely charismatic star turn from Rami Malek as the band's frontman. He's the difference between a standard-issue, episodic, join-the-dots narrative and one that occasionally touches greatness, and most importantly, carries emotional heft.

There's something wrong with the sky.

Hold the Dark (2018)
(SPOILERS) Hold the Dark, an adaptation of William Giraldi's 2014 novel, is big on atmosphere, as you'd expect from director Jeremy Saulnier (Blue Ruin, Green Room) and actor-now-director (I Don’t Want to Live in This World Anymore) pal Macon Blair (furnishing the screenplay and appearing in one scene), but contrastingly low on satisfying resolutions. Being wilfully oblique can be a winner if you’re entirely sure what you're trying to achieve, but the effect here is rather that it’s "for the sake of it" than purposeful.

Don’t you break into like, a billion homes a year?

The Christmas Chronicles (2018)
(SPOILERS) Tis the season to be schmaltzy. Except, perhaps not as insufferably so as you might think. The Christmas Chronicles feels very much like a John Hughes production, which is appropriate since it's produced by Chris Columbus, who was given his start as a director by Hughes. Think Uncle Buck, but instead of John Candy improving his nieces and nephew's lives, you've got Kurt Russell's Santa Claus bringing good cheer to the kids of the Pierce household. The latter are an indifferent duo, but they key here is Santa, and Russell brings the movie that all important irrepressible spark and then some.

I take Quaaludes 10-15 times a day for my "back pain", Adderall to stay focused, Xanax to take the edge off, part to mellow me out, cocaine to wake me back up again, and morphine... Well, because it's awesome.

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013)
Along with Pain & Gain and The Great Gatsby, The Wolf of Wall Street might be viewed as the completion of a loose 2013 trilogy on the subject of success and excess; the American Dream gone awry. It’s the superior picture to its fellows, by turns enthralling, absurd, outrageous and hilarious. This is the fieriest, most deliriously vibrant picture from the director since the millennium turned. Nevertheless, stood in the company of Goodfellas, the Martin Scorsese film from which The Wolf of Wall Street consciously takes many of its cues, it is found wanting.

I was vaguely familiar with the title, not because I knew much about Jordan Belfort but because the script had been in development for such a long time (Ridley Scott was attached at one time). So part of the pleasure of the film is discovering how widely the story diverges from the Wall Street template. “The Wolf of Wall Street” suggests one who towers over the city like a behemoth, rather than a guy …

A machine planet, sending a machine to Earth, looking for its creator. It’s absolutely incredible.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
(SPOILERS) Most of the criticisms levelled at Star Trek: The Motion Picture are legitimate. It puts spectacle above plot, one that’s so derivative it might be classed as the clichéd Star Trek plot. It’s bloated and slow moving. For every superior redesign of the original series’ visuals and concepts, there’s an inferior example. But… it’s also endlessly fascinating. It stands alone among the big screen chapters of series as an attempted reimagining of the TV show as a grand adult, serious-minded “experience”, taking its cues more from 2001: A Space Odyssey than Star Wars or even Close Encounters of the Third Kind (the success of which got The Motion Picture (TMP) a green light, execs sufficiently convinced that Lucas’ hit wasn’t a one-off). It’s a film (a motion picture, not a mere movie) that recognises the passage of time (albeit clumsily at points) and gives a firm sense of space and place to its characters universe. It’s hugely flawed, but it bot…

Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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