This is ridiculous. It's crazy. I feel like I'm babysitting, except I'm not getting paid.

The Goonies

(1985)

One I hadn't revisited this since the '80s; the big surprise is how great comedy actor Corey Feldman was before he pissed his career away. The film lacks any sense of restraint or gracefulness; a loud, sprawling mess (and definably mid-‘80s, therefore). Joe Dante, rather than Richard Donner, would have been a better fit for the material.

However, Chunk's confessional is clearly the highpoint.

Francis Fratelli: Tell us everything! Everything!
Chunk: Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
Jake Fratelli: I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!

***

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Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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