Bullet
to the Head
(2013)
Stallone’s attempt to get back in the game
with an original starring vehicle appeared to flounder from the first. In the
last decade he’s staged something of a career comeback with sequels to his best
known roles (Rocky Balboa, Rambo) and a new franchise leading an
ensemble of aging action stars (The
Expendables). Bullet had the
veneer of a Stallone aspiring to be relevant; an adaptation of a French graphic
novel, a director (Wayne Kramer) who had previously delivered a surprisingly
great crime movie fairy tale (Running
Scared, which even managed to make Paul Walker look good). So how did it
end up as an uninspired reheat of 48 Hrs’
mismatched cop/criminal pairing, complete with Walter Hill calling the shots?
The answer most likely lies somewhere in
the creative tunnel vision of its producer Joel Silver and Sly. Stallone is
fairly well-recognised as a nightmare for fledgling directors (poor Danny
Cannon on Judge Dredd, for example).
As a writer-director he has just enough talent to make life difficult for those
without clout on set and, as a star, too much ego not to be a prima donna. Kramer
reportedly clashed at a fairly early stage (he wanted a darker vision), so he
was mercifully spared the traumas involved with Crossing Over (at the meddling hands of the Weinsteins). Silver,
not the name he one was, but in full possession of the sensibility of his
‘80s/’90s self, also needed to make his presence felt.
The plot sees Stallone's hit man team up
with Sung Kang's cop to bring down the gang who double-crossed Sly and killed
his partner. Pretty much any '80s buddy action movie you can think of (48 Hrs, Red Heat, Tango & Cash)
is vastly superior to this. At a meagre 90 minutes it is pared-down but looks
as if there was never enough story to make a more substantial version. This is
a perfunctory affair, competently made but going through the motions of what
Sly thinks a Stallone action movie should probably be.
He looks ridiculously ripped for a 66 year
old, with the kind of body only the best steroids can buy. Sly monotones his
way through the entirely leaden dialogue and has zero chemistry with the
charisma-free Kang (Han from the Fast and
Furious movies). I'm not sure original choice Thomas Jane would have made
matters a whole lot better, but Silver's decision to recast the role with an
Asian actor seems to have been predicated on the lazy idea that racial tension
would serve as a replacement for fleshed-out characters. So Stallone makes
dodgy references to Confucius and Odd Job; there's no reason for this other
than that Silver thinks he should be a bit like Nick Nolte (but on the other
side of the law).
Hill handles the action as efficiently as
you'd expect, but employs annoying visual clichés (a black and white
introduction, orange-hued flashes and fades). A fairly annoying bluesy score
also evokes an earlier era. The gratuitous nudity and violence cement the '80s
throwback vibe, but the rain of CGI blood announces its true vintage. Hill had
been absent from cinemas for a decade prior to this, and this kind of pointless
exercise that makes you think he shouldn’t have bothered returning. He was no
doubt considered a safe pair of hands as he’d delivered on the genre for Silver
several times before (48 Hrs, Red Heat), but the result only goes to
underline the question of why anyone thought it would be a good idea. It would
be nice if this got Hill more work, but Bullet
crumpled at the box office.
There's a suitably heavy-duty fight with
fire axes between Stallone and Jason Momoa at the climax, and the latter has a
good time playing the bad guy. As does Christian Slater as scumbag lawyer. But
the script is so clumsy that Slater is required to tell Momoa the entire plot
about 20 minutes in, even though he will be aware of this information anyway. The
faux hardboiled dialogue is so
consistently risible that there’s a point where you begin to assume it’s intentional.
Quite possibly Sly will have to settle on
co-star status for the remainder of his career; he’s has pairings with Arnie (Escape Plan) and De Niro (Grudge Match) on the way, as well as Expendables 3. And Silver has nothing to
aside from the Sherlock Holmes films
as a claim to latter day success. Add to the pile the failure of Arnie’s
comeback vehicle and, outside of the ensemble nostalgia flick, it looks like
the ‘80s action movie star is well and truly dead.
**