How could she leave us with this lunatic?

Seinfeld

2.5: The Jacket

The Premise

Jerry buys an expensive suede jacket with a pink and white striped lining. He wears it to a dinner date with Elaine’s intimidating father.

Observational

It’s a shame that, in the words of Jason Alexander, Lawrence Tierney was a “total nut job”, as his disposition put paid to any future appearances of Elaine’s father. His portrayal of Alton Benes is palpably menacing and, because he plays it dead straight, he ensures the laughs elicited from George and Jerry’s terrified predicament are even greater.

Not that it sounds as if Tierney could have played it for laughs if he’d wanted to. A renowned bruiser, he was known for his confrontational attitude; he caused young Quentin Tarantino problems on the set of the following year’s Reservoir Dogs. On Seinfeld he reportedly stole a butcher’s knife from the kitchen set, but returned it after Jerry (inadvisably perhaps) confronted him over he was concealing upon his person.

Alton Benes is a force of bristling masculine aggression, so naturally he and George get on like a house on fire. George’s “staunch heterosexuality” is under scrutiny as soon as he comes on singing “Master of the House” from Les Miserables(“Pipe down, chorus boy,” instructs Alton). He’s earlier informed Jerry his jacket is “fabulous” (Elaine: Dad thinks George is gay). When Alton dismisses his recent novel (“Drivel!”), George just makes matters worse by agreeing with everything he says (“Maybe some parts”). With Elaine failing to show, George and Jerry take shelter in the men’s room (“How could she leave us with this lunatic?”) and when she does eventually arrive they’re beyond desperate (“We’re dying here!”) Alton is even looking to pick a fight over the choice of restaurant (“You’re not afraid of a little spice, are you?”)

This episode may be more linear than the previous two (you couldn’t really call the jacket a separate plot strand since Jerry is a constant in both), but structurally it’s very satisfying and the resolution is perfectly formed (gruff Alton refuses to be seen with Jerry wearing his jacket stripy lining out, so the suede is ruined in a snow shower). This is very much Jerry and George’s show, though. Elaine gets a great entrance, showing off her physical dexterity as she recounts Kramer’s offer of a lift (and stealing away Jerry’s urge to recount the traumas theyhave suffered), but she barely says a word to her father.

Kramer, always on the look out for something for nothing, ends up with both Jerry’s old leather jacketand his ruined suede one (“I’m going to do something about this lining”).

We’re also treated to an early classic coda, as Alton drives home and finds himself involuntarily singing “Master of the House” (as George notes earlier, “It just comes out. I have no control over it”).

Quotable

Jerry: Frankly, I prefer the company of nitwits.

Elaine: So that’s why we’re not together any more.

Kramer: That’s more you than you’ve ever been.

George: What am I, Bud Abbot? What did you call me idiot for?

Alton Benes: I don’t need anybody to tell me it’s going to rain.

Alton Benes: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tail gunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There’s nothing funny about that.

Verdict:

If I do nothing else, I will convince them that Herbert Stempel knows what won the goddam Academy Award for Best goddam Picture of 1955. That’s what I’m going to accomplish.

Quiz Show (1994) (SPOILERS) Quiz Show perfectly encapsulates a certain brand of Best Picture nominee: the staid, respectable, diligent historical episode, a morality tale in response to which the Academy can nod their heads approvingly and discerningly, feeding as it does their own vainglorious self-image about how times and attitudes have changed, in part thanks to their own virtuousness. Robert Redford’s film about the 1950s Twenty-One quiz show scandals is immaculately made, boasts a notable cast and is guided by a strong screenplay from Paul Attanasio (who, on television, had just created the seminal Homicide: Life on the Streets ), but it lacks that something extra that pushes it into truly memorable territory.

Your Mickey Mouse is one big stupid dope!

Enemy Mine (1985) (SPOILERS) The essential dynamic of Enemy Mine – sworn enemies overcome their differences to become firm friends – was a well-ploughed one when it was made, such that it led to TV Tropes assuming, since edited, that it took its title from an existing phrase (Barry Longyear, author of the 1979 novella, made it up, inspired by the 1961 David Niven film The Best of Enemies ). The Film Yearbook Volume 5 opined that that Wolfgang Petersen’s picture “ lacks the gritty sauciness of Hell in the Pacific”; John Boorman’s WWII film stranded Lee Marvin and Toshiro Mifune on a desert island and had them first duking it out before becoming reluctant bedfellows. Perhaps germanely, both movies were box office flops.

Piece by piece, the camel enters the couscous.

The Forgiven (2021) (SPOILERS) By this point, the differences between filmmaker John Michael McDonagh and his younger brother, filmmaker and playwright Martin McDonagh, are fairly clearly established. Both wear badges of irreverence and provocation in their writing, and a willingness to tackle – or take pot-shots – at bigger issues, ones that may find them dangling their toes in hot water. But Martin receives the lion’s share of the critical attention, while John is generally recognised as the slightly lesser light. Sure, some might mistake Seven Psychopaths for a John movie, and Calvary for a Martin one, but there’s a more flagrant sense of attention seeking in John’s work, and concomitantly less substance. The Forgiven is clearly aiming more in the expressly substantial vein of John’s earlier Calvary, but it ultimately bears the same kind of issues in delivery.

Haven’t you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

Batman (1989) (SPOILERS) There’s Jaws , there’s Star Wars , and then there’s Batman in terms of defining the modern blockbuster. Jaws ’ success was so profound, it changed the way movies were made and marketed. Batman’s marketing was so profound, it changed the way tentpoles would be perceived: as cash cows. Disney tried to reproduce the effect the following year with Dick Tracy , to markedly less enthusiastic response. None of this places Batman in the company of Jaws as a classic movie sold well, far from it. It just so happened to hit the spot. As Tim Burton put it, it was “ more of a cultural phenomenon than a great movie ”. It’s difficult to disagree with his verdict that the finished product (for that is what it is) is “ mainly boring ”. Now, of course, the Burton bat has been usurped by the Nolan incarnation (and soon the Snyder). They have some things in common. Both take the character seriously and favour a sombre tone, which was much more of shock to the

Say hello to the Scream Extractor.

Monsters, Inc. (2001) (SPOILERS) I was never the greatest fan of Monsters, Inc. , even before charges began to be levelled regarding its “true” subtext. I didn’t much care for the characters, and I particularly didn’t like the way Pixar’s directors injected their own parenting/ childhood nostalgia into their plots. Something that just seems to go on with their fare ad infinitum. Which means the Pixars I preferred tended to be the Brad Bird ones. You know, the alleged objectivist. Now, though, we learn Pixar has always been about the adrenochrome, so there’s no going back…

No one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

The Matrix (1999) (SPOILERS) Twenty years on, and the articles are on the defining nature of The Matrix are piling up, most of them touching on how its world has become a reality, or maybe always was one. At the time, its premise was engaging enough, but it was the sum total of the package that cast a spell – the bullet time, the fashions, the soundtrack, the comic book-as-live-action framing and styling – not to mention it being probably the first movie to embrace and reflect the burgeoning Internet ( Hackers doesn’t really count), and subsequently to really ride the crest of the DVD boom wave. And now? Now it’s still really, really good.

I’m just the balloon man.

Copshop (2021) (SPOILERS) A consistent problem with Joe Carnahan’s oeuvre is that, no matter how confidently his movies begin, or how strong his premise, or how adept his direction or compelling the performances he extracts, he ends up blowing it. He blows it with Copshop , a ’70s-inspired variant on Assault on Precinct 13 that is pretty damn good during the first hour, before devolving into his standard mode of sado-nihilistic mayhem.

Twenty dwarves took turns doing handstands on the carpet.

Bugsy (1991) (SPOILERS) Bugsy is very much a Warren Beatty vanity project (aren’t they all, even the ones that don’t seem that way on the surface?), to the extent of his playing a title character a decade and a half younger than him. As such, it makes sense that producer Warren’s choice of director wouldn’t be inclined to overshadow star Warren, but the effect is to end up with a movie that, for all its considerable merits (including a script from James Toback chock full of incident), never really feels quite focussed, that it’s destined to lead anywhere, even if we know where it’s going.

When we have been subtle, then can I kill him?

The Avengers 6.16. Legacy of Death There’s scarcely any crediting the Terry Nation of Noon-Doomsday as the same Terry Nation that wrote this, let alone the Terry Nation churning out a no-frills Dalek story a season for the latter stages of the Jon Pertwee era. Of course, Nation had started out as a comedy writer (for Hancock), and it may be that the kick Brian Clemens gave him up the pants in reaction to the quality of Noon-Doomsday loosened a whole load of gags. Admittedly, a lot of them are well worn, but they come so thick and fast in Legacy of Death , accompanied by an assuredly giddy pace from director Don Chaffey (of Ray Harryhausen’s Jason and the Argonauts ) and a fine ensemble of supporting players, that it would be churlish to complain.

You ever heard the saying, “Don’t rob the bank across from the diner that has the best donuts in three counties”?

2 Guns (2013) (SPOILERS) Denzel Washington is such a reliable performer, that it can get a bit boring. You end up knowing every gesture or inflection in advance, whether he’s playing a good guy or a bad guy. And his films are generally at least half decent, so you end up seeing them. Even in Flight (or perhaps especially in Flight ; just watch him chugging down that vodka) where he’s giving it his Oscar-nominatable best, he seems too familiar. I think it may be because he’s an actor who is more effective the less he does. In 2 Guns he’s not doing less, but sometimes it seems like it. That’s because the last person I’d ever expect blows him off the screen; Mark Wahlberg.

Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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