I'll tell you why I'm a good soldier. Because of selfless commitment.

Welcome to the Punch

(2013)

Big studio movie sheen is awash this attempt to transpose our US cousins’ crime fare to less temperate climes. Nick Love (an auteur if ever there was one) ineptly sought to inject a bit of Michael Mann into last year ‘s atrocious rebirth of The Sweeney. Eran Creevy, in his sophomore film, does a great deal better even his real talents lie very clearly in directing rather than writing.

James McAvoy’s cop very nearly prevents criminal Mark Strong from making off with a big score in the movie’s opening sequence. McAvoy ends up with a hole in his leg and, in one of the infrequent quirks of Creevy’s screenplay, has to regularly drain it of fluid for the duration. He also sports a beard, because now he’s disgruntled and has let himself go a bit. Strong is brought back to blighty (he’s hidden away in Iceland, with a panoramic view of the Northern Lights) when his son gets into trouble. And so the scene is set for the opposing parties to work the same case from different ends.

Creevy and cinematographer Ed Wild do a bang up job with their "I can make London look like L.A." remit. Seductive helicopter shots show off a vast twinkling cityscape, always at night of course. The inevitable touchstone is Heat (isn’t it every crime movie’s since 1995?) and, if the blue hues and masked heists don’t convince you, the cat and mouse between cop and criminal will leave no doubt.

Unfortunately, the plot intrigues don’t take too long to reveal themselves as not-all-that-intriguing after all. This is one of those films were a clumsy effort is made early on to introduce an element that proves key to unravelling who did what and why. The construction just isn’t robust enough to prevent twists and reversals from being telegraphed well in advance. You’d be better advised to sit back and enjoy the slick production than forlornly hope the script will pass muster.

But the cast is good, even if I don't really buy McAvoy as a cop; he tries his best, but he’s doesn’t have the weight of Strong either physically or dramatically (and I do like the guy; I just think he’s miscast in both this and Trance). Andrea Riseborough, Peter Mullan, and David Morrissey all lend strong support and go some way towards making you feel that, if these fine actors thought there was something great about the script, may be there is.

Occasionally Creevy pulls something particularly effective out of his hat; an investigation into a shipping container which turns rather nasty. It’s a scene the director has the confidence to play out slowly but surely. Best of all is a face-off featuring Johnny Harris' psychotic security guard, turning on an impromptu invitation for a sit down with his nan (Ruth Wilson). It’s that rare moment when Creevy knows both just how to shoot if for maximum impact and has a great idea for his characters.

With Ridley Scott as producer, and the visual panache on display, it should be no time at all before the Hollywood machine guzzles Creevy up. He’ll be over there like an octopus, churning out action movies with vastly bigger budgets and slightly different accents. So it’s appropriate that such an overt calling card climaxes in an OTT orgy of orchestrated gunfire and blood squibs.

***

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She writes Twilight fan fiction.

Vampire Academy (2014)
My willingness to give writer Daniel Waters some slack on the grounds of early glories sometimes pays off (Sex and Death 101) and sometimes, as with this messy and indistinct Young Adult adaptation, it doesn’t. If Vampire Academy plods along as a less than innovative smart-mouthed Buffy rip-off that might be because, if you added vampires to Heathers, you would probably get something not so far from the world of Joss Whedon. Unfortunately inspiration is a low ebb throughout, not helped any by tepid direction from Daniel’s sometimes-reliable brother Mark and a couple of hopelessly plankish leads who do their best to dampen down any wit that occasionally attempts to surface.

I can only presume there’s a never-ending pile of Young Adult fiction poised for big screen failure, all of it comprising multi-novel storylines just begging for a moment in the Sun. Every time an adaptation crashes and burns (and the odds are that they will) another one rises, hydra-like, hoping…

My name is Dr. King Schultz, this is my valet, Django, and these are our horses, Fritz, and Tony.

Django Unchained (2012)
(MINOR SPOILERS) Since the painful misstep of Grindhouse/Death Proof, Quentin Tarantino has regained the higher ground like never before. Pulp Fiction, his previous commercial and critical peak, has been at very least equalled by the back-to-back hits of Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained. Having been underwhelmed by his post Pulp Fiction efforts (albeit, I admired his technical advances as a director in Kill Bill), I was pleasantly surprised by Inglourious Basterds. It was no work of genius (so not Pulp Fiction) by any means, but there was a gleeful irreverence in its treatment of history and even to the nominal heroic status of its titular protagonists. Tonally, it was a good fit for the director’s “cool” aesthetic. As a purveyor of postmodern pastiche, where the surface level is the subtext, in some ways he was operating at his zenith. Django Unchained is a retreat from that position, the director caught in the tug between his all-important aesthetic pr…

I am so sick of Scotland!

Outlaw/King (2018)
(SPOILERS) Proof that it isn't enough just to want to make a historical epic, you have to have some level of vision for it as well. Say what you like about Mel's Braveheart – and it isn't a very good film – it's got sensibility in spades. He knew what he was setting out to achieve, and the audience duly responded. What does David Mackenzie want from Outlaw/King (it's shown with a forward slash on the titles, so I'm going with it)? Ostensibly, and unsurprisingly, to restore the stature of Robert the Bruce after it was rather tarnished by Braveheart, but he has singularly failed to do so. More than that, it isn’t an "idea", something you can recognise or get behind even if you don’t care about the guy. You’ll never forget Mel's Wallace, for better or worse, but the most singular aspect of Chris Pine's Bruce hasn’t been his rousing speeches or heroic valour. No, it's been his kingly winky.

It was one of the most desolate looking places in the world.

They Shall Not Grow Old (2018)
Peter Jackson's They Shall Not Grow Old, broadcast by the BBC on the centenary of Armistice Day, is "sold" on the attraction and curiosity value of restored, colourised and frame rate-enhanced footage. On that level, this World War I documentary, utilising a misquote from Laurence Binyon's poem for its title, is frequently an eye-opener, transforming the stuttering, blurry visuals that have hitherto informed subsequent generations' relationship with the War. However, that's only half the story; the other is the use of archive interviews with veterans to provide a narrative, exerting an effect often more impacting for what isn't said than for what is.

You look like an angry lizard!

Bohemian Rhapsody (2018)
(SPOILERS) I can quite see a Queen fan begrudging this latest musical biopic for failing to adhere to the facts of their illustrious career – but then, what biopic does steer a straight and true course? – making it ironic that they're the main fuel for Bohemian Rhapsody's box office success. Most other criticisms – and they're legitimate, on the whole – fall away in the face of a hugely charismatic star turn from Rami Malek as the band's frontman. He's the difference between a standard-issue, episodic, join-the-dots narrative and one that occasionally touches greatness, and most importantly, carries emotional heft.

There's something wrong with the sky.

Hold the Dark (2018)
(SPOILERS) Hold the Dark, an adaptation of William Giraldi's 2014 novel, is big on atmosphere, as you'd expect from director Jeremy Saulnier (Blue Ruin, Green Room) and actor-now-director (I Don’t Want to Live in This World Anymore) pal Macon Blair (furnishing the screenplay and appearing in one scene), but contrastingly low on satisfying resolutions. Being wilfully oblique can be a winner if you’re entirely sure what you're trying to achieve, but the effect here is rather that it’s "for the sake of it" than purposeful.

You kind of look like a slutty Ebola virus.

Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
(SPOILERS) The phenomenal success of Crazy Rich Asians – in the US at any rate, thus far – might lead one to think it's some kind of startling original, but the truth is, whatever its core demographic appeal, this adaptation of Kevin Kwan's novel taps into universally accepted romantic comedy DNA and readily recognisable tropes of family and class, regardless of cultural background. It emerges a smoothly professional product, ticking the expected boxes in those areas – the heroine's highs, lows, rejections, proposals, accompanied by whacky scene-stealing best friend – even if the writing is sometimes a little on the clunky side.

It seemed as if I had missed something.

Room 237 (2012)
Stanley Kubrick’s meticulous, obsessive approach towards filmmaking was renowned, so perhaps it should be no surprise to find comparable traits reflected in a section of his worshippers. Legends about the director have taken root (some of them with a factual basis, others bunkum), while the air of secrecy that enshrouded his life and work has duly fostered a range of conspiracy theories. A few of these are aired in Rodney Ascher’s documentary, which indulges five variably coherent advocates of five variably tenuous theories relating to just what The Shining is really all about. Beyond Jack Nicholson turning the crazy up to 11, that is. Ascher has hit on a fascinating subject, one that exposes our capacity to interpret any given information wildly differently according to our disposition. But his execution, which both underlines and undermines the theses of these devotees, leaves something to be desired.

Part of the problem is simply one of production values. The audio tra…

Believe me, Mr Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.

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He mobilised the English language and sent it into battle.

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Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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