I'll tell you why I'm a good soldier. Because of selfless commitment.

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(2013)

Big studio movie sheen is awash this attempt to transpose our US cousins’ crime fare to less temperate climes. Nick Love (an auteur if ever there was one) ineptly sought to inject a bit of Michael Mann into last year ‘s atrocious rebirth of The Sweeney. Eran Creevy, in his sophomore film, does a great deal better even his real talents lie very clearly in directing rather than writing.

James McAvoy’s cop very nearly prevents criminal Mark Strong from making off with a big score in the movie’s opening sequence. McAvoy ends up with a hole in his leg and, in one of the infrequent quirks of Creevy’s screenplay, has to regularly drain it of fluid for the duration. He also sports a beard, because now he’s disgruntled and has let himself go a bit. Strong is brought back to blighty (he’s hidden away in Iceland, with a panoramic view of the Northern Lights) when his son gets into trouble. And so the scene is set for the opposing parties to work the same case from different ends.

Creevy and cinematographer Ed Wild do a bang up job with their "I can make London look like L.A." remit. Seductive helicopter shots show off a vast twinkling cityscape, always at night of course. The inevitable touchstone is Heat (isn’t it every crime movie’s since 1995?) and, if the blue hues and masked heists don’t convince you, the cat and mouse between cop and criminal will leave no doubt.

Unfortunately, the plot intrigues don’t take too long to reveal themselves as not-all-that-intriguing after all. This is one of those films were a clumsy effort is made early on to introduce an element that proves key to unravelling who did what and why. The construction just isn’t robust enough to prevent twists and reversals from being telegraphed well in advance. You’d be better advised to sit back and enjoy the slick production than forlornly hope the script will pass muster.

But the cast is good, even if I don't really buy McAvoy as a cop; he tries his best, but he’s doesn’t have the weight of Strong either physically or dramatically (and I do like the guy; I just think he’s miscast in both this and Trance). Andrea Riseborough, Peter Mullan, and David Morrissey all lend strong support and go some way towards making you feel that, if these fine actors thought there was something great about the script, may be there is.

Occasionally Creevy pulls something particularly effective out of his hat; an investigation into a shipping container which turns rather nasty. It’s a scene the director has the confidence to play out slowly but surely. Best of all is a face-off featuring Johnny Harris' psychotic security guard, turning on an impromptu invitation for a sit down with his nan (Ruth Wilson). It’s that rare moment when Creevy knows both just how to shoot if for maximum impact and has a great idea for his characters.

With Ridley Scott as producer, and the visual panache on display, it should be no time at all before the Hollywood machine guzzles Creevy up. He’ll be over there like an octopus, churning out action movies with vastly bigger budgets and slightly different accents. So it’s appropriate that such an overt calling card climaxes in an OTT orgy of orchestrated gunfire and blood squibs.

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She writes Twilight fan fiction.

Vampire Academy (2014)
My willingness to give writer Daniel Waters some slack on the grounds of early glories sometimes pays off (Sex and Death 101) and sometimes, as with this messy and indistinct Young Adult adaptation, it doesn’t. If Vampire Academy plods along as a less than innovative smart-mouthed Buffy rip-off that might be because, if you added vampires to Heathers, you would probably get something not so far from the world of Joss Whedon. Unfortunately inspiration is a low ebb throughout, not helped any by tepid direction from Daniel’s sometimes-reliable brother Mark and a couple of hopelessly plankish leads who do their best to dampen down any wit that occasionally attempts to surface.

I can only presume there’s a never-ending pile of Young Adult fiction poised for big screen failure, all of it comprising multi-novel storylines just begging for a moment in the Sun. Every time an adaptation crashes and burns (and the odds are that they will) another one rises, hydra-like, hoping…

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The Avengers 4.12: Man-Eater of Surrey Green
Most remarked upon for Robert Banks-Stewart having “ripped it off” for 1976 Doctor Who story The Seeds of Doom, although, I’ve never been wholly convinced. Yes, there are significant similarities – an eccentric lady making who knows her botany, a wealthy businessman living in a stately home with an affinity for vegetation, an alien plant that takes possession of humans, a very violent henchman and a climax involving a now oversized specimen turning very nasty… Okay, maybe they’re onto something there… – but The Seeds of Doom is really good, while Man-Eater of Surrey Green is just… okay.

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It (2017)
(SPOILERS) Imagine how pleased I was to learn that an E Nesbitt adaptation had rocketed to the top of the US charts, evidently using a truncated version of its original title, much like John Carter of Mars. Imagine my disappointment on rushing to the cinema and seeing not a Psammead in sight. Can anyone explain why It is doing such phenomenal business? It isn’t the Stephen King brand, which regular does middling-at-best box office. Is it the nostalgia factor (‘50s repurposed as the ‘80s, so tapping into the Stranger Things thing, complete with purloined cast member)? Or maybe that it is, for the most part, a “classier” horror movie, one that puts its characters first (at least for the first act or so), and so invites audiences who might otherwise shun such fare? Perhaps there is no clear and outright reason, and it’s rather a confluence of circumstances. Certainly, as a (mostly) non-horror buff, I was impressed by how well It tackled pretty much everything that wasn’t the hor…

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Christine (1983)
(SPOILER) John Carpenter was quite open about having no particular passion to make Christine. The Thing had gone belly-up at the box office, and adapting a Stephen King seemed like a sure-fire way to make bank. Unfortunately, its reception was tepid. It may have seemed like a no-brainer – Duel’s demonic truck had put Spielberg on the map a decade earlier – but Carpenter discovered “It was difficult to make it frightening”. More like Herbie, then. Indeed, the director is at his best in the build-up to unleashing the titular automobile, making the fudging of the third act all the more disappointing.

Don't worry about Steed, ducky. I'll see he doesn't suffer.

The Avengers 4.11: Two’s A Crowd
Oh, look. Another Steed doppelganger episode. Or is it? One might be similarly less than complimentary about Warren Mitchell dusting off his bungling Russian agent/ambassador routine (it obviously went down a storm with the producers; he previously played Keller in The Charmers and Brodny would return in The See-Through Man). Two’s A Crowd coasts on the charm of its leads and supporting performances (including Julian Glover), but it’s middling fare at best.

It could have been an accident. He decided to sip a surreptitious sup and slipped. Splash!

4.10 A Surfeit of H20
A great episode title (definitely one of the series’ top ten) with a storyline boasting all the necessary ingredients (strange deaths in a small village, eccentric supporting characters, Emma even utters the immortal “You diabolical mastermind, you!”), yet A Surfeit of H20 is unable to quite pull itself above the run of the mill.

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mother!
(SPOILERS) Darren Aronofsky has a reasonably-sized chin, but on this evidence, he’ll have reduced it to a forlorn stump with all that stroking in no time at all. And then set the remains alight. And then summoned it back into existence for a whole new round of stroking. mother! is a self-indulgent exercise in unabated tedium in the name of a BIG idea, one no amount of assertive psued-ing post-the-fact can turn into a masterpiece. Yes, that much-noted “F” cinemascore was well warranted.

Have no fear! Doc Savage is here!

Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze (1975)
(SPOILERS) Forget about The Empire Strikes Back, the cliffhanger ending of Doc Savage: The Man of Bronze had me on the edge of my seat for a sequel that never came. How could they do that to us (well, me)? This was of course, in the period prior to discernment and wisdom, when I had no idea Doc Savage was a terrible movie. I mean, it is, isn’t it? Well, it isn’t a great movie, but it has a certain indolent charm, in the manner of a fair few mid-‘70s SF and fantasy fare (Logan’s Run, The Land that Time Forgot) that had no conception the genre landscape was on the cusp of irrevocable change.

Let the monsters kill each other.

Game of Thrones Season Seven
(SPOILERS) Column inches devoted to Game of Thrones, even in “respectable” publications, seems to increase exponentially with each new season, so may well reach critical mass with the final run. Groundswells of opinion duly become more evident, and as happens with many a show by somewhere around this point, if not a couple of years prior, Season Seven has seen many of the faithful turn on once hallowed storytelling, and at least in part, there’s good reason for that.

Some suggest the show has jumped the shark (or crashed the Wall); there were concerns over how much the pace increased last year, divested as it was of George RR Martin’s novels as a direct source, but this year’s succession of events make Six seem positively sluggish. I don’t think GoT has suddenly, resoundingly, lost it, and I’d argue there did need to be an increase in momentum (people are quick to forget how much moaning went on about seemingly nothing happening for long stretches of previ…

James Bond, who only has to make love to a woman and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing.

Thunderball (1965)
Look up! Look down! Look out! Her comes the biggest Bond of all! So advised the poster for the fourth 007 cinematic feast. Biggest it most definitely was, but unfortunately in almost every other respect the finished film is inferior to its three predecessors. Nevertheless, the approach taken by the producers (a favourite of Hollywood generally) was to throw enough money at the screen in the hope it would result in higher box office receipts. Which proved a successful one on this occasion. It remains the highest grossing Bond film (inflation-adjusted), in the US.

Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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