G.I. Joe: Retaliation
(2013)
The best thing about the generally crappy G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra was the
subplot involving the infiltration of the Whitehouse. It gave Jonathan Pryce,
never one for underplaying, a chance to take centre stage. It was also one of
the few parts of the movie that didn’t encourage Stephen Sommers to bounce off
the walls like the ADD, taste-free scourge of cinema he is. So it’s welcome
news that the sequel continues with that thread. And, with John M Chu at the
helm, it’s certainly better assembled than the first movie. But it says
something that, for all the action stars assembled here, the only character to have
any real impact is played by Ray Park. And you can neither see his face nor
hear him.
Until he is swallowed up during the third act, I was enjoying
Park’s masked maestro Snake Eyes. Park has all the moves and then some, of
course, but it was mainly the sheer bonkers bravura of the character that kept
me interested. I found myself questioning how the Hollywood machine didn’t spit
out a revised Snake Eyes, completely altered from his toy persona. If Judge Dredd
takes his head gear off, surely Snake Eyes will doff his helmet and engage in a
sparkling dialogue with some lovely lady. Instead, he’s this ever-imposing, black-clad
silent knight. Presumably he always
wears this gear when he goes on a mission and never says a word. I’m astounded
that he ever gets results; he’ll stick out like a sore thumb if he goes out in
daylight or anywhere remotely populated. And, if he needs to interrogate
someone, that speech impediment’s really going to put a cramp in his style.
He’s conceptually unfeasible, basically, and the film’s all the better for his
presence. It could have done with embracing a bit more of that silliness rather
than ending up as just another action movie.
During the opening scenes, Channing Tatum’s Duke strikes up
a good rapport with Dwayne Johnson’s Roadblock, but once Johnson’s left playing
against bland D. J. Cotrona the chemistry fizzles. There’s only so much
renta-Johnson franchises can take to spice them up, and his charisma isn’t best
served here. Back when the first film came out I barely registered the
lovechild of Stockard Channing and Tatum O’Neal; four years later when he
absents the screen he creates a void.
So who better to fill it than Bruce Willis, wisecracking his
way through every scene like he did in his heyday? You remember the first Die Hard and Last Boy Scout. Unfortunately it’s not that Bruce Willis. This is
the same Willis who’s more intent on drifting stony faced through cameos (see
also The Expendables), unwilling to
goof off in David Addison mode. Apparently Bruce is responsible for the
friendly sparring between his’ “original Joe” and Adrianne Palicki’s Jaye. You
just wish much more could have been made of it. Willis does deliver the odd
funny line (although you’ve heard the best if you’ve watched the trailer), but
this is further evidence that he’s spent the last decade pissing his career
away (Wes Anderson aside).
Then there are the villains. Byung-hun Lee is saddled with
the most ridiculous character development as Storm Shadow; it’s very much on
the “Doh!” spectrum. Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s non-return sees Cobra Commander
voiced and performed by two different people and Chris Eccleston was never
coming back even if the first movie had received Best Picture Oscar. Arnold
Vosloo returns, eager for work, but it’s little more than a cameo. So that
leaves Ray Stevenson, whose Firefly has the bulk to take on Roadblock but
little else. Stevenson seems preoccupied with his lousy Southern accent and
fails to inject any fun into the proceedings; it’s left to Pryce to make the
villains sell the menace of Cobra (he gets to “hang out with Bono” and even makes a line like “You know, they call it a waterboard, but I
never got bored” kind of work).
Chu’s direction isn’t bad; certainly good enough to wrench
himself from the doldrums of directing Step
Up movies and Justin Bieber documentaries, but he never manages to give the
film as a whole much momentum. Individual sequences work fine, but that’s all
they are. You’re not invested in getting anywhere with the plot so before long listlessness
sets in. Even the fight on the cliff face, which looked like the highlight from
the trailers, doesn’t quite have the thrill it ought.
There are a few daffy elements to note; more emphasis on
that tone might have made for more memorable results. Storm Shadow undergoes a
healing process that involves a curious mixture of Eastern magic/medicine and
science. There’s an early training session between Jinx (Elodie Yung) and Snake
Eyes that’s also big on the Eastern wisdom, with RZA presiding as a blind
master. It verges on Austin Powers
self-parody but, alas, it’s played deadly straight.
A movie this mindless obviously has no worthwhile pretentions
of making statements about the state of the planet. Cobra’s world domination
gambit is particularly ridiculous. But I did wonder if there was some modest propaganda
in there. The whole premise is a celebration of the US armed forces after all,
even if in a somewhat adulterated way. So North Korea is established as an out
and out enemy in the first scene, while Pakistan is identified as incredibly
weak (you can steal their nukes and kill their president in the blink of an eye).
I’m not sure what the mass destruction of London is about, but Roland Emmerich
would be proud. Then there are the shout-outs to the greatness of Patton; the
whole movie desperately needed to
have its tongue firmly in its cheek, but there’s only the odd wink.
A third instalment is inevitable, as the Hasbro brand has
managed to expand its appeal overseas (to the tune of $100m on top of Rise of the Cobra’s gross). It seems
that Chu is attached, and he’ll no doubt refine his skills. But the series
really needs a shot in the arm in the script department, and to embrace its
essential absurdity.
**1/2