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Showing posts from September, 2013

Don't know how many times I've been crossed off the list and left for dead. So this... this ain't nothing new.

Riddick (2013) Vin’s back in his most-loved role (by him, at least). To get into training, the action star gargled a mouthful of gravel for a full 40 minutes every morning, rather than his usual 20. The extra effort has served him well, as his monotone drawl manages (mostly) to pass off the most uninspired dialogue. With that in mind, it should be little surprise that the best parts of this trilogy-maker are the sequences where Richard B. Riddick has no one to talk to. Riddick is something of a disappointment; needs must, or at least budgets must, that the overblown space opera of Chronicles has been pared down to the bone. But why did director David Twohy and his star think it was a good idea to put all that solid groundwork in for what becomes to a tepid reheat of the first movie? Probably because the fans repeated that Pitch Black was the one they really loved. Vin is nothing if not interactive with his groupies, ever posting piccies from

Winner gets… me.

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006) (SPOILERS) Alternatively known as The Fast and the Furious Six , if you follow the chronology (on account of a key character here dying and then showing up in subsequent F&F masterpieces. Which means I ended up catching this in very nearly the correct order (I have yet to see the actual the officially monikered Fast & Furious 6 . This is the only one in the series that doesn’t feature either Paul Walker or Vin Diesel (well, almost the latter; he is wooed for a cameo, prior to his triumphant return in Fast and Furious (or, Fast Three , if you will). There are those who argue this is the underappreciated peak of the disposable franchise, but that’s a bit of a leap; it’s as laden down as ever with clunky plotting, spinning wheels, macho stand-offs and raptastic montages featuring scantily clad girlies ((the latter abjectly failing to disguise the auto- and homoerotica dripping from every shiny hood and pro

I'm going to put a price on your head so big, that when you look in the mirror your reflection's gonna want to shoot you in the face.

The Mechanic (2011) Are the Stath and Simon West the new Scorsese/Di Caprio? In a B-movie, not very exciting sort of way? First came the above title. Then, in quick succession, The Expendables 2 and next a remake of forgotten ‘80s Burt Reynolds-starrer Heat (from William Goldman both times out, no less). Maybe great things beckon for the duo. Nah. The Mechanic is also a remake, from the now departed auteur Michael Winner and the Olivier of his generation Charles Bronson. Clearly West and Jason Statham had a lot to live up to. The original script for Bronson version made play of a homosexual undertone between Bronson’s hitman and young apprentice Jan-Michael Vincent (his character is the son of a boss-man Bronson has just offed). It didn’t make it to the final film, and one would be hard-pressed to argue for more than a passing suggestion of its presence in the remake (Sutherland suggests that the Stath needs companionship, and soon after he takes Foster un

I want a lawyer and a sandwich. Oh, and I want to update my Facebook status.

Blitz (2011) The Stat. He’s a hard-drinking, hard-as-nails cop on the edge. He’s close to burnout, because he just can’t resist serving up exactly what the scum deserve. He’s like Dirty Harry, but without a clear intent. But really, he just likes beating up the criminals. Tom Brandt is a generic tough guy movie cop (or literary cop, as Blitz is taken from from one of a series of novels by Ken Bruen), which suits what this utterly generic movie. The plot concerns a cop killer who adopts the titular name, and Brandt’s attempts to apprehend him. Blitz has some things going for it.  The detective sergeant isn’t really very good as his job, and this aspect seems at least in part intentional. He has no great insights, unlike the classic detectives. Indeed, he has Blitz (Aidan Gillen, going all-out creepy psycho; Gillen has just the face for needling psychosis and he looks like the only one here having any fun with their part) in his grasp fairly early on