We’ve got all sorts of pieces and they don’t fit together. What we’ve got to find is the link.

The Avengers

2.13: Traitor in Zebra

Traitor in Zebra does what it says in the title (excepting that there are no stripy horses involved), as Steed poses as Commander Steed and Cathy as Dr Gale in order to discover who has been passing on details of a satellite tracking missile defence system at (not Ice Station) Zebra naval base.

Steed: Rather suits me, don’t you think?

Cathy: Admirably, but, er, you don’t keep hats on between decks.

Richmond Harding directs, having delivered several quality episodes this season (The Mauritius Penny, Mr. Teddy Bear) while John Gilbert garners his only writing credit on the show. The titular traitor is obviously not the prime suspect, Sub-lieutenant Crane (Danvers Walker), so Steed, in the role of head-shrinker, applies his skills to finding out who is, while Cathy does likewise from the lab.

It turns out covert communications are made via the local pub darts board (a possibly prone-to-imperfection dog delivery service), with newspaper owner Frank (Richard Leech, Gather Hade in The Sun Makers), local shopkeeper Linda (Katy Wild) and Rankin (John Sharp, Mr Biggins in All Creatures Great and Small) all in on leaking the formula for the ruby component of this “sort of radar”, and the frequency, so as to jam the system tests. On the side of the good is Crane’s pal Sub-lieutenant Graham (William Gaunt, No Place Like Home, The Champions, and Orcini in Revelation of the Daleks), who suffers a fatal beer poisoning at the snooker table.

Talking of drinks, both Steed and Cathy’s tipple of choice is gin in this episode, with a number of rounds going down. Cathy’s also showing her charitable tendencies (she’s a regular Princess Di, barring being murdered by her nearest and not-so-dearest), as she’d much rather be doing relief work in Tahrain(?) than embroiled in this palaver. Frank appears interested in examining her credentials, although he never gets round to offering to show her his etchings. Also notable is a smattering of location work, mainly of the village green variety.

This is forgettable fare, despite a more than solid cast (Sharp in particular is a reassuringly massive presence). There’s nothing wrong with the plot per se, and it’s well-directed, but it’s doggedly run-of-the-mill.

Comments

Damn prairie dog burrow!

Tremors (1990) (SPOILERS) I suspect the reason the horror comedy – or the sci-fi comedy, come to that – doesn’t tend to be the slam-dunk goldmine many assume it must be, is because it takes a certain sensibility to do it right. Everyone isn’t a Joe Dante or Sam Raimi, or a John Landis, John Carpenter, Edgar Wright, Christopher Landon or even a Peter Jackson or Tim Burton, and the genre is littered with financial failures, some of them very good failures (and a good number of them from the names mentioned). Tremors was one, only proving a hit on video (hence six sequels at last count). It also failed to make Ron Underwood a directing legend.

Here’s Bloody Justice for you.

Laughter in Paradise (1951) (SPOILERS) The beginning of a comedic run for director-producer Mario Zampa that spanned much of the 1950s, invariably aided by writers Michael Pertwee and Jack Davies (the latter went on to pen a spate of Norman Wisdom pictures including The Early Bird , and also comedy rally classic Monte Carlo or Bust! ) As usual with these Pertwee jaunts, Laughter in Paradise boasts a sparky premise – renowned practical joker bequeaths a fortune to four relatives, on condition they complete selected tasks that tickle him – and more than enough resultant situational humour.

I hate natural causes!

Body Bags (1993) (SPOILERS) I’m not surprised Showtime didn’t pick this up for an anthology series. Perhaps, if John Carpenter had made Coming Home in a Body Bag (the popular Nam movie series referenced in the same year’s True Romance ), we’d have something to talk about. Tho’ probably not, if Carpenter had retained his by this point firmly glued to his side DP Gary Kibbe, ensuring the proceedings are as flat, lifeless and unatmospheric as possible. Carpenter directed two of the segments here, Tobe Hooper the other one. It may sound absurd, given the quality of Hooper’s career, but by this point, even he was calling the shots better than Carpenter.

I'm offering you a half-share in the universe.

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Who’s got the Figgy Port?

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I’m just glad Will Smith isn’t alive to see this.

The Tomorrow War (2021) (SPOILERS). Not so much tomorrow as yesterday. There’s a strong sense of déjà vu watching The Tomorrow War , so doggedly derivative is it of every time-travel/alien war/apocalyptic sci-fi movie of the past forty years. Not helping it stand out from the pack are doughy lead Chris Pratt, damned to look forever on the beefy side no matter how ripped he is and lacking the chops or gravitas for straight roles, and debut live-action director Chris McKay, who manages to deliver the goods in a serviceably anonymous fashion.

Why don't we go on a picnic, up the hill?

Invaders from Mars (1986) (SPOILERS) One can wax thematical over the number of remakes of ’50s movies in the ’80s – and ’50s SF movies in particular – and of how they represent ever-present Cold War and nuclear threats, and steadily increasing social and familial paranoias and disintegrating values. Really, though, it’s mostly down to the nostalgia of filmmakers for whom such pictures were formative influences (and studios hoping to make an easy buck on a library property). Tobe Hooper’s version of nostalgia, however, is not so readily discernible as a John Carpenter or a David Cronenberg (not that Cronenberg could foment such vibes, any more than a trip to the dental hygienist). Because his directorial qualities are not so readily discernible. Tobe Hooper movies tend to be a bit shit. Which makes it unsurprising that Invaders from Mars is a bit shit.

What's a movie star need a rocket for anyway?

The Rocketeer (1991) (SPOILERS) The Rocketeer has a fantastic poster. One of the best of the last thirty years (and while that may seem like faint praise, what with poster design being a dying art – I’m looking at you Marvel, or Amazon and the recent The Tomorrow War – it isn’t meant to be). The movie itself, however, tends towards stodge. Unremarkable pictures with a wide/cult fanbase, conditioned by childhood nostalgia, are ten-a-penny – Willow for example – and in this case, there was also a reasonably warm critical reception. But such an embrace can’t alter that Joe Johnston makes an inveterately bland, tepid movie director. His “feel” for period here got him The First Avenger: Captain America gig, a bland, tepid movie tending towards stodge. So at least he’s consistent.

Hey, my friend smells amazing!

Luca (2021) (SPOILERS) Pixar’s first gay movie ? Not according to director Enrico Cassarosa (“ This was really never in our plans. This was really about their friendship in that kind of pre-puberty world ”). Perhaps it should have been, as that might have been an excuse – any excuse is worth a shot at this point – for Luca being so insipid and bereft of spark. You know, the way Soul could at least claim it was about something deep and meaningful as a defence for being entirely lacking as a distinctive and creatively engaging story in its own right.

As in the hokey kids’ show guy?

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