I must congratulate you on the use of your umbrella.

The Avengers

3.1: Concerto

Terrance Dicks and Malcolm Hulke deliver a run-of-the-mill spy romp, distinguished mainly by how ludicrous the villain’s final gambit is. However, Concerto is somewhat salvaged by a surprisingly fun turn from Nigel Stock as Zalenko, a Russian opposite number to Steed.

It’s a good thing Stock is having a good time, as his accent is pretty pokey. At first, it appears as if Zalenko will merely be a buffoonish incompetent (which wouldn’t be a surprise given Stock’s form, playing Watson to Peter Cushing’s Holmes, a particularly ineffectual Number Six in The Prisoner, and, of course, Mr Pickwick) as Steed mocks his undercover surveillance skills (“Of course, that cycling trip in Germany. The one that took you past all the American bases”), and more so when it appears that, during a drinking session, Steed is getting him sozzled on his own voddie rather than partaking himself (“No, you don’t have to leave yet. I want to tell you a funny story about a funeral”, Zalenko entreats).

Steed: And where did you learn that particular piece of nastiness?

Zalenko: Saturday afternoons, British television. Last time I was here. You should watch.

But when it comes to ensuring the safety of Stefan Veliko (Sandor Eles), “the finest young concert pianist in the world”, he proves surprisingly effective, such that Steed is given to compliment him on his fighting skills (it’s a combined effort on their part), albeit requiring clarification that his manoeuvre was an attempt to disjoint the heavy’s left arm from its socket (the quote above). The episode concludes with the two of them drinking again, and Zalenko reminiscing about old Russia (‘You’re a naughty boy” suggests Steed; “No, no, I was miserable” he quickly protests).

Unfortunately, this is by far the highlight of an otherwise so-so outing. The unlikely scheme involves a series of attempts by the villains to manipulate Veliko into killing the trade minister during highly important talks, and so lousing-up Anglo-Soviet relations. First a woman is found dead in his apartment, and then he’s lured to the Stud Club; he’s photographed exiting the strip joint with a British secret agent (guess who), which is used as rather unlikely leverage by British Cultural Council traitor Peterson (Bernard Brown). This strategy doesn’t bare much scrutiny, hence we concur when Veliko turns the gun on Peterson with “You didn’t really expect me to do it, did you?”

Cathy does some snooping at the BCC, ending up on the receiving end of a game of Russian Roulette from rotten lackey Burns (Geoffrey Colville). Who gets a face full of telephone when Steed comes to her rescue. Mrs Gale is generally rather side-lined, and Steed takes all the best moments, be it being described by Zalenko as a man about town (“his other activities are rather obscure”) or casually reprimanding a secretary who has given his mail to Peterson (“Now, if there are any more letters for me, perhaps you could keep them for me”).

Agree? Disagree? Mildly or vehemently? Let me know in the comments below.

Comments

Unknown17 March 2019 at 17:12
I agree with all your observations but I really liked this episode. My favorite scene was the one where Steed smashes that monster's face in with the telephone.
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Poor Easy Breezy.

Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood (2019)
(SPOILERS) My initial reaction to Once Upon a Time… in Hollywood was mild disbelief that Tarantino managed to hoodwink studios into coming begging to make it, so wilfully perverse is it in disregarding any standard expectations of narrative or plotting. Then I remembered that studios, or studios that aren’t Disney, are desperate for product, and more especially, product that might guarantee them a hit. Quentin’s latest appears to be that, but whether it’s a sufficient one to justify the expense of his absurd vanity project remains to be seen.

I just hope my death makes more cents than my life.

Joker (2019)
(SPOILERS) So the murder sprees didn’t happen, and a thousand puff pieces desperate to fan the flames of such events and then told-ya-so have fallen flat on their faces. The biggest takeaway from Joker is not that the movie is an event, when once that seemed plausible but not a given, but that any mainstream press perspective on the picture appears unable to divorce its quality from its alleged or actual politics. Joker may be zeitgeisty, but isn’t another Taxi Driver in terms of cultural import, in the sense that Taxi Driver didn’t have a Taxi Driver in mind when Paul Schrader wrote it. It is, if you like, faux-incendiary, and can only ever play out on that level. It might be more accurately described as a grubbier, grimier (but still polished and glossy) The Talented Ripley, the tale of developing psychopathy, only tailored for a cinemagoing audience with few options left outside of comic book fare.

So you want me to be half-monk, half-hitman.

Casino Royale (2006)
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For the majority of its first two hours, Casino Royale is top-flight entertainment, with returning director Martin Campbell managing to exceed his excellent work reformatting Bond for the ‘90s. That the weakest sequence (still good, mind) prior to the finale is a traditional “big” (but not too big) action set piece involving an attempt to…

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Bumblebee (2018)
(SPOILERS) Bumblebee is by some distance the best Transformers movie, simply by dint of having a smattering of heart (one might argue the first Shia LaBeouf one also does, and it’s certainly significantly better than the others, but it’s still a soulless Michael Bay “machine”). Laika VP and director Travis Knight brings personality to a series that has traditionally consisted of shamelessly selling product, by way of a nostalgia piece that nods to the likes of Herbie (the original), The Iron Giant and even Robocop.

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Vampire Academy (2014)
My willingness to give writer Daniel Waters some slack on the grounds of early glories sometimes pays off (Sex and Death 101) and sometimes, as with this messy and indistinct Young Adult adaptation, it doesn’t. If Vampire Academy plods along as a less than innovative smart-mouthed Buffy rip-off that might be because, if you added vampires to Heathers, you would probably get something not so far from the world of Joss Whedon. Unfortunately inspiration is a low ebb throughout, not helped any by tepid direction from Daniel’s sometimes-reliable brother Mark and a couple of hopelessly plankish leads who do their best to dampen down any wit that occasionally attempts to surface.

I can only presume there’s a never-ending pile of Young Adult fiction poised for big screen failure, all of it comprising multi-novel storylines just begging for a moment in the Sun. Every time an adaptation crashes and burns (and the odds are that they will) another one rises, hydra-like, hoping…

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Bad Boys for Life (2020)
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Easily the best of the Narnia films, which is maybe damning it with faint praise.

Michael Apted does a competent job directing (certainly compared to his Bond film - maybe he talked to his second unit this time), Dante Spinotti's cinematography is stunning and the CGI mostly well-integrated with the action.

Performance-wise, Will Poulter is a stand-out as a tremendously obnoxious little toff, so charismatic you're almost rooting for him. Simon Pegg replaces Eddie Izzard as the voice of Reepicheep and delivers a touching performance.
***

You’re a slut with a snake in your mouth. Die!

Mickey One (1965)
(SPOILERS) Apparently this early – as in, two years before the one that made them both highly sought-after trailblazers of “New Hollywood” – teaming between Warren Beatty and Arthur Penn has undergone a re-evaluation since its initial commercial and critical drubbing. I’m not sure about all that. Mickey One still seems fatally half-cocked to me, with Penn making a meal of imitating the stylistic qualities that came relatively naturally – or at least, Gallically – to the New Wave.

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Pokémon Detective Pikachu (2019)
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Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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