xXx: The Return of Xander Cage
(2017)
(SPOILERS) Is there a new “Vin Diesel model” for movie successes? The xXx franchise looked dead in the water after the Vin-less 2005 sequel grossed less than a third of its predecessor. If you were to go by the US total, xXx: The Return of Xander Cage was a similar flunk. And yet, a sequel is guaranteed. The key to this rehabilitation appears to be borrowing from the Fast & Furious franchise rule book (or the one operating since entry No.5, at any rate): bring on the international casting and sit Vin at the top as their leader. The only difference being, here Diesel is having appreciably more fun.
Which isn’t to say Xander
Cage is better than the F&F
movies, but it definitely has its tongue even more firmly in its cheek, to the extent
you’d think Diesel has been scrutinising the Roger Moore Bonds for inspiration, along with classic era Bruce Willis for
delivery (think Hudson Hawk, just not
nearly as irreverent, alas). When xXx3
is revelling in its own inanity, it’s quite something to behold, and its only
really during the final third, where it becomes a more standard-issue shoot ‘em
up, one even the rapturous welcome Ice Cube’s “surprise” appearance receives can’t
alleviate, that it stumbles.
So xXx3 made less
than 20% - a measly 13%, to be exact – of its $346m total gross in the US but
nearly half in China. Trace this backwards, and you have Fate of the Furious also taking less than 20% in the US but nearly
a quarter of its $1.24bn total in China. Even The Last Witch Hunter, which no one is going to guarantee a sequel,
followed the line of marginal US takings failing to reflect the international
reception. The only regularly comparable franchise to this is the Resident Evil series, where you’d almost
have been better off not releasing the last one Stateside (8% of the $312m,
half of which came from China).
Diesel can reportedly be quite the pain in the ass on the Furious movies, but his willingness to
engage in near send-up here is entirely to his credit, and if the picture
adopts a nominal “family” tag with its “X
takes care of its own” motto, it avoids becoming a noose around its neck. I
only wish director DJ Caruso (showing versatile action chops) and screenwriter
F Scott Frazier had thrown even more caution to the wind. The picture can never
quite sustain the near meta-introduction in which Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L
Jackson having a ball) explains to potential new recruit Neymar (“Thought he was being recruited for The
Avengers” explains the on-screen introductory notes; Gibbons “Singlehandedly stopped World War III”)
his entirely dappy reasons for beginning the XXX programme (skateboards and
swimming pools figure heavily).
Xander Cage: Oh boy, here we go again.
The gags here are never in danger of becoming classy, but
there’s a breezy-goofy quality to the set ups and delivery that is frequently
irresistible; “Wow, you really do look
different Gibbons. Did you lose weight?” asks the called-out-of-retirement
Cage when he meets his new boss Jane Marke (Toni Collette, pitch perfect). This
following an opening action spectacle in the aid of getting decent TV reception
for a footie match. Xander next needs to stop off in London so he can pick up
his hilariously over-sized sheepskin pimp coat, during which he outdoes Moore’s
007 by leaving a room full of sexually-satisfied ladies in his wake the next
morning (“The things I do for my country”),
even more amusing if you’re vaguely aware of the rumours that have followed Vin
around Hollywood for the last two decades.
This bedroom dynamo rep continues with the arrival of a scene-stealing
Nina Dobrev as Marke’s assistant Becky Clearidge, an unabashed Xander groupie (“Please take your time, I know mouth-to-mouth
if necessary” grins the cheese-frothing chrome-dome, as Marke raises her
eyes heavenwards) who isn’t immune to berating Cage when necessary (“That’s not going to come off, you know that,
right?” she admonishes Xander when he applies permanent marker to a monitor
screen). “There are a lot of unmarked
graves on the island” Xiang (Donnie Yen) informs Cage, closing in on prized
MacGuffin Pandora’s Box. “And I bet
whoever sold you that shirt is in one of them” quips our tattooed hero.
If Vin’s on towering form, the rest of his co-stars are more
variable. Yen’s having a lot of fun and has a good rapport with his lead. Ruby
Rose (Adele Wolf) might not be quite as impactful as in her silent turn in John Wick Chapter 2, but she brings
relish to her environmentalist sharpshooter. Deepika Padukone is Cage’s sort of
love interest, but not in a limiting way, while Rory “The Hound” McCann is
amusing as a stunt driver celebrating his 200th crash during the
proceedings. Tony Jaa is suitably energetic in a bleach job, but Kris Wu is
entirely lifeless. Likewise, while Neymar is surprisingly pretty good in his
bookend scenes with Jackson, fellow football player Michael Bisping is
definitely more from the Vinnie Jones school of acting chops.
Jane Marke: Time to be a patriot.
Xander Cage: By whose definition?
Caruso keeps the proceedings zipping along, although he’s
probably better with the rhythmic interplay (a game of hot potato with a
grenade for example) than the all-out, CGI-assisted action (Cage freefalling
from an exploding Boeing is the most glaring example that this came in on a
non-titanic budget). If xXx3 had
played up its comedic side more, it had the potential to become a minor
classic. As it is, it’s merely diverting. There’s a nice line in irreverence
towards the powers-that-be that doesn’t go in for the (tiresome) Bond-ian resignation bullshit, taking in
indifference towards national pride (above), insane government spending (“Wow, no wonder our country’s in debt
trillions of dollars” observes Cage of a decked-out Boeing) and conspiracy
theories (“Can you tell me what really
happened to Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie?” Asks McCann’s Torch. “Yes” replies Becky).
I’m not sure how well Vin and Cube will get on for xXxX (hopefully better than Vin and
Dwayne), since they didn’t exactly seem to have natural chemistry during their
scenes here, but anything pushing towards ever-greater absurdity is good in my
book, particularly when we had to rely mostly on the Stat for that fix in the slightly
disappointing Furious 8.
Agree? Disagree? Mildly or vehemently? Let me know in the comments below.