If we don't drown, I'm gonna strangle you myself. I don't care how many exploding teeth you try to spit out at me.

Top 10 Films

2018

I don't usually do an annual Top Ten, mainly because I invariably catch up on many of the films that make my list in the subsequent six to twelve months. Nevertheless, here's the current incarnation, subject to considerable change. Included are movies that had their wide release in the UK during 2018, hence several of them may appear quite passé to US readers.

10. Journey’s End

Saul Dibbs brings a compelling and superbly performed – by Paul Bettany in particular – adaptation of RC Sherriff's World War I play to the screen in time for the hundredth anniversary of the armistice. I could quibble at a few of the choices made, but for the most part, what has long-since become a rather stuffy set text gets a welcome shot in the arm. (2.10.18)

9. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

Even non-vintage Coen Brothers fare is never less than essential viewing, and this scrappy anthology picture – what anthology isn't scrappy? – yields several pearls, not least Tim Blake Nelson's titular crooner in the opening segment and Zoe Kazan's rattle in the longest and most affecting, The Girl Who Got Rattled. (9.11.18)

8. The Shape of Water

Just like Superman, kind of, you'll believe a woman can have a consenting relationship with a fish. As with most cases of Oscar glory, the filmmaker's best work (Pan's Labyrinth) was previously passed over for the big prize, a lesser echo instead garlanded down the line, but Guillermo del Toro's period fantasy is still a rewarding patchwork of his great obsessions, and blessed by a fine (and Oscar-worthy) central performance from Sally Hawkins. (14.02.18)

7. Isle of Dogs

I was definitely a doubter regarding Wes Anderson's second animated feature, mostly because I previously resisted fully falling for his fast-and-loose adaptation of Fantastic Mr. Fox. But Isle of Dogs finds him putting his best foot forward to offbeat and highly engaging effect; random, blackly humorous and absurd, but anchored by a canine-centric storyline that draws you in and pays off in inimitably satisfying fashion. (30.03.18)

6. A Star is Born

Bradley Cooper’s directorial debut isn't perfect – the third act in particular flounders through repositioning itself to focus on his alcoholic fading country singer at the expense of the star he has made – but what it gets right very nearly compensates. He and Lady Gaga have palpable chemistry, and the tried-and-tested rise/fall template proves itself ever serviceable. (03.10.18)

5. Phantom Thread

That Paul Thomas Anderson and his wilfully auteurish ways. So much so, he can entice Daniel Day-Lewis out of semi-retirement whenever he puts pen to paper. His tale of an indulged dressmaker (Day-Lewis' Mr Woodcock) whose latest conquest (Vicky Krieps) rather sets the cat among his pigeons is told at a leisurely but irresistible pace, such that the perverse relish it takes in its plot twists is all the more striking. Nevertheless, it's undoubtedly Krieps who takes the laurels. (10.02.18)

4. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Not the superhero movie I expected to finish up in my Top Ten of the year – actually, I didn't expect one to make it this time – this Lord and Miller crafted animation, following a host of Spider-Man alts as a means to an origin story for the latest, Miles Morales (Shameik Moore), is endlessly inventive, funny, touching and visually stunning. (12.12.18)

3. Mission: Impossible – Fallout

Perhaps John Woo can be persuaded to do a salvaging re-edit on Mission: Impossible 2? As it stands, it's the only entry in the two-decades-plus spanning franchise thus far that has been less than satisfying. Since the fallout from Oprah's couch jumping that rather dented the prospects of the (underrated) third instalment, Tom Cruise has returned to keeping his mouth shut about scientology and presenting that impossibly nice guy persona to the world. And it’s worked. If I couldn't say Fallout is the best in the series so far, that's only because the last three sequels have been embarrassment of action riches. (25.07.18)

2. Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri

My pick for the Best Picture Oscar of those nominated sees Martin McDonagh return to unbeatable In Bruges form after the very slight hiccup of Seven Psychopaths (most filmmakers can only dream of having a hiccup so enjoyable, though). Naturally, it stirred some controversy, since McDonagh's not the kind of writer to curtsy and make his excuses; it's his head-on approach to subject matter and character that make him one of the best filmmakers around right now (in which respect, he has the edge on his also very talented brother), and it's no coincidence that headlining with Frances McDormand puts one in mind of the skillset that is second nature to the Coen Brothers. (12.01.18)

1. Bad Times at the El Royale

There was a fair degree of anticipation for Drew Goddard's second feature (the first being genre-busting The Cabin in the Woods) that rather fizzled when it arrived to merely respectable notices and less than rapturous box office. On the plus side, that makes it instant cult movie material. On the minus, Goddard ought to have carte blanche to make whatever he so fancies in the future, which means he needs to be bankable.

Anything rigorously written and vaguely in the crime genre these days instantly attracts comparisons to Tarantino, which is fair enough, but Bad Times satisfies on a character level in a manner Tarantino hasn't in years, while offering plot twists that elicit applause for the sheer bravura with which they're executed. Marvellous performances from the ensemble cast too, led by Cynthia Erivo, Jeff Bridges and Jon Hamm. I've said my list will likely look very different in six months’ time, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if Bad Times still tops it. (12.10.18)

Agree? Disagree? Mildly or vehemently? Let me know in the comments below.

Abandon selective targeting. Shoot everything.

28 Weeks Later (2007) (SPOILERS) The first five minutes of 28 Weeks Later are far and away the best part of this sequel, offering in quick succession a devastating moral quandary and a waking nightmare, immortalised on the screen. After that, while significantly more polished, Juan Carlos Fresnadillo reveals his concept to be altogether inferior to Danny Boyle and Alex Garland’s, falling back on the crutches of gore, nihilism, and disengaging and limiting shifts of focus between characters in whom one has little investment in the first place.

The Bible never said anything about amphetamines.

The Color of Money (1986) (SPOILERS) I tend to think it’s evident when Scorsese isn’t truly exercised by material. He can still invest every ounce of the technical acumen at his fingertips, and the results can dazzle on that level, but you don’t really feel the filmmaker in the film. Which, for one of his pictures to truly carry a wallop, you need to do. We’ve seen quite a few in such deficit in recent years, most often teaming with Leo. The Color of Money , however, is the first where it was out-and-out evident the subject matter wasn’t Marty’s bag. He needed it, desperately, to come off, but in the manner a tradesman who wants to keep getting jobs. This sequel to The Hustler doesn’t linger in the mind, however good it may be, moment by moment.

Doctors make the worst patients.

Coma (1978) (SPOILERS) Michael Crichton’s sophomore big-screen feature, and by some distance his best. Perhaps it’s simply that this a milieu known to him, or perhaps it’s that it’s very much aligned to the there-and-now and present, but Coma , despite the occasional lapse in this adaptation of colleague Robin Cook’s novel, is an effective, creepy, resonant thriller and then some. Crichton knows his subject, and it shows – the picture is confident and verisimilitudinous in a way none of his other directorial efforts are – and his low-key – some might say clinical – approach pays dividends. You might also call it prescient, but that would be to suggest its subject matter wasn’t immediately relevant then too.

I said I had no family. I didn’t say I had an empty apartment.

The Apartment (1960) (SPOILERS) Billy Wilder’s romcom delivered the genre that rare Best Picture Oscar winner. Albeit, The Apartment amounts to a rather grim (now) PG-rated scenario, one rife with adultery, attempted suicide, prostitution of the soul and subjective thereof of the body. And yet, it’s also, finally, rather sweet, so salving the darker passages and evidencing the director’s expertly judged balancing act. Time Out ’s Tom Milne suggested the ending was a cop out (“ boy forgives girl and all’s well ”). But really, what other ending did the audience or central characters deserve?

Your desecration of reality will not go unpunished.

2021-22 Best-of, Worst-of and Everything Else Besides The movies might be the most visible example of attempts to cling onto cultural remnants as the previous societal template clatters down the drain. It takes something people really want – unlike a Bond movie where he kicks the can – to suggest the model of yesteryear, one where a billion-dollar grosser was like sneezing. You can argue Spider-Man: No Way Home is replete with agendas of one sort or another, and that’s undoubtedly the case (that’s Hollywood), but crowding out any such extraneous elements (and they often are) is simply a consummate crowd-pleaser that taps into tangible nostalgia through its multiverse take. Of course, nostalgia for a mere seven years ago, for something you didn’t like anyway, is a symptom of how fraught these times have become.

Captain, he who walks in fire will burn his feet.

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1973) (SPOILERS) Ray Harryhausen returns to the kind of unadulterated fantasy material that made Jason and the Argonauts such a success – swords & stop motion, if you like. In between, there were a couple of less successful efforts, HG Wells adaptation First Men in the Moon and The Valley of the Gwangi (which I considered the best thing ever as a kid: dinosaur walks into a cowboy movie). Harryhausen’s special-effects supremacy – in a for-hire capacity – had also been consummately eclipsed by Raquel Welch’s fur bikini in One Million Years B.C . The Golden Voyage of Sinbad follows the expected Dynamation template – blank-slate hero, memorable creatures, McGuffin quest – but in its considerable favour, it also boasts a villainous performance by nobody-at-the-time, on-the-cusp-of-greatness Tom Baker.

Listen to the goddamn qualified scientists!

Don’t Look Up (2021) (SPOILERS) It’s testament to Don’t Look Up ’s “quality” that critics who would normally lap up this kind of liberal-causes messaging couldn’t find it within themselves to grant it a free pass. Adam McKay has attempted to refashion himself as a satirist since jettisoning former collaborator Will Ferrell, but as a Hollywood player and an inevitably socio-politically partisan one, he simply falls in line with the most obvious, fatuous propagandising.

Archimedes would split himself with envy.

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger (1977) (SPOILERS) Generally, this seems to be the Ray Harryhausen Sinbad outing that gets the short straw in the appreciation stakes. Which is rather unfair. True, Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger lacks Tom Baker and his rich brown voice personifying evil incarnate – although Margaret Whiting more than holds her own in the wickedness stakes – and the structure follows the Harryhausen template perhaps over scrupulously (Beverly Cross previously collaborated with the stop-motion auteur on Jason and the Argonauts , and would again subsequently with Clash of the Titans ). But the storytelling is swift and sprightly, and the animation itself scores, achieving a degree of interaction frequently more proficient than its more lavishly praised peer group.

You just threw a donut in the hot zone!

Den of Thieves (2018) (SPOILERS) I'd heard this was a shameless Heat rip-off, and the presence of Gerard Butler seemed to confirm it would be passable-at-best B-heist hokum, so maybe it was just middling expectations, even having heard how enthused certain pockets of the Internet were, but Den of Thieves is a surprisingly very satisfying entry in the genre. I can't even fault it for attempting to Keyser Soze the whole shebang at the last moment – add a head in a box and you have three 1995 classics in one movie – even if that particular conceit doesn’t quite come together.

You have a very angry family, sir.

Eternals (2021) (SPOILERS) It would be overstating the case to suggest Eternals is a pleasant surprise, but given the adverse harbingers surrounding it, it’s a much more serviceable – if bloated – and thematically intriguing picture than I’d expected. The signature motifs of director and honestly-not-billionaire’s-progeny Chloé Zhao are present, mostly amounting to attempts at Malick-lite gauzy natural light and naturalism at odds with the rigidly unnatural material. There’s woke to spare too, since this is something of a Kevin Feige Phase Four flagship, one that rather floundered, showcasing his designs for a nu-MCU. Nevertheless, Eternals manages to maintain interest despite some very variable performances, effects, and the usual retreat into standard tropes, come the final big showdown.

Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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