"Take a hammer, Emily," he said. "Take a hammer and smash everything shiny."

The Avengers

6.11: All Done with Mirrors

One I rated much more highly prior to this revisit, Leigh Vance’s teleplay for All Done with Mirrors (he’d later pen the screenplay for mid-70s Michael Caine thriller The Black Windmill) nevertheless has some appealing conceits, while Ray Austin (who would also helm half a dozen New Avengers) offers some memorable visuals.

As the title suggest, the plot revolves around reflective surfaces. They’re employed in a “retrometer” as a means for eavesdropping on and communicating with subjects in line of sight, sound being projected along a beam of light, with all the covert possibilities that suggests. What with the villains’ headquarters being a lighthouse, and being surrounding cliffs, the device makes for an effective means of luring nosy types to their doom (including Tara at one point, who survives a plunge to her death with “They pushed me clear of the rocks” – it must have been atremendouspush to have got that far clear). Although, this appears to work in a variety of locations, as per the teaser where ministry man Roger (John Bown) is gunned down in a wood. Dr Seligman (Anthony Dutton, 5.18: Return of the Cybernauts) is also later lured to the woods and dispatched.

Steed: I’m innocent! Entirely innocent!
Mother: Yes, but for how long?

This one’s a Tara single-hander, with Steed under house arrest because secrets are leaking from an institute he is investigating (really because Macnee was taking a holiday). As a consequence, he’s required to hang out with Mother and some bathing-suited belles (including the first appearance of Rhonda, in production terms, which is why she gives Steed an unaccustomed smile). Accordingly, it’s one of Tara’s best showings, since she doesn’t get knocked out or require saving by Steed; he arrives a bit too late to save the day (“Never mind, it’s the thought that counts”). As well as proving handy in the various fights (including the shocking ginger of bowler-hatted pro-wrestler Bruno Elrington), she also looks very becoming in her beret ensemble.

Colonel Withers: Spartan! Amazonian!
Tara: Beg your pardon?
Colonel Withers: Not even out of breath. I like that. Physical fitness. I like that too.

While All Done with Mirrors is big on mystery and set pieces, it’s ultimately a little dry for my tastes, despite a fight during which a villain falls down the lighthouse stairs – all 365 of them. Michael Trubshawe (4.4: Dial a Deadly Number) makes an impression as (the fake) Colonel Withers, impressed that Tara isn’t even out of breath after climbing said stairs and unresponsive to her querying if he’s seen anything, since he has no reason to look at the land ("And what do you see? The sea. That's what you see. The great, grand rolling ocean").

There’s some lovely location filming (done in April), though, and appealingly creative visual touches, such as astronomer Guthrie (Desmond Jordan) losing his glasses on the cliff edge. The supporting cast are solid, but most of the characters fail to come alive. Tara’s given a nominal sidekick in the stuffy Watney (Dinsdale Landen, The Curse of Fenric, suggesting he was never very suave, even in his early 30s).

Barlow (Edwin Richfield in his final appearance in the show, previously showing up in 1.6: Girl on a Trapeze, 2.9: The Removal Men, 3.17: The White Elephant, 4.6: Too Many Christmas Trees, and 5.19: Dead Man’s Treasure) is the ring leader, an impostor stealing secrets from the research institute. Also present are head of security Major Sparshott (Peter Copley, 2.21: The White Dwarf), Pandora (Joanna Vogel, 5.9: The Correct Way to Kill), who notes something is iffy as she’d made arrangements with the real colonel, and is forced to lure Tara to her death, and Carswell (Tennial Evans, 1.11: Please Don’t Feed the Animals, 2.14: The Big Thinker, 3.4: The Golden Fleece).

Steed: I always say the simplest pleasures in life are the most enjoyable.

The coda has Steed serving Tara dinner in a field of buttercups – very idyllic and summery looking – including a fillet steak he’s been cooking in the Rolls’ engine. A solid episode, and I can see why it’s generally acclaimed as one of the best Tara King episodes, but for me it lacks that necessary extra flavour.

Agree? Disagree? Mildly or vehemently? Let me know in the comments below.

Your Mickey Mouse is one big stupid dope!

Enemy Mine (1985) (SPOILERS) The essential dynamic of Enemy Mine – sworn enemies overcome their differences to become firm friends – was a well-ploughed one when it was made, such that it led to TV Tropes assuming, since edited, that it took its title from an existing phrase (Barry Longyear, author of the 1979 novella, made it up, inspired by the 1961 David Niven film The Best of Enemies ). The Film Yearbook Volume 5 opined that that Wolfgang Petersen’s picture “ lacks the gritty sauciness of Hell in the Pacific”; John Boorman’s WWII film stranded Lee Marvin and Toshiro Mifune on a desert island and had them first duking it out before becoming reluctant bedfellows. Perhaps germanely, both movies were box office flops.

If I do nothing else, I will convince them that Herbert Stempel knows what won the goddam Academy Award for Best goddam Picture of 1955. That’s what I’m going to accomplish.

Quiz Show (1994) (SPOILERS) Quiz Show perfectly encapsulates a certain brand of Best Picture nominee: the staid, respectable, diligent historical episode, a morality tale in response to which the Academy can nod their heads approvingly and discerningly, feeding as it does their own vainglorious self-image about how times and attitudes have changed, in part thanks to their own virtuousness. Robert Redford’s film about the 1950s Twenty-One quiz show scandals is immaculately made, boasts a notable cast and is guided by a strong screenplay from Paul Attanasio (who, on television, had just created the seminal Homicide: Life on the Streets ), but it lacks that something extra that pushes it into truly memorable territory.

Other monks will meet their deaths here. And they too will have blackened fingers. And blackened tongues.

The Name of the Rose (1986) (SPOILERS) Umberto Eco wasn’t awfully impressed by Jean Jacques-Annaud’s adaptation of his novel – or “ palimpsest of Umberto Eco’s novel ” as the opening titles announce – to the extent that he nixed further movie versions of his work. Later, he amended that view, calling it “ a nice movie ”. He also, for balance, labelled The Name of the Rose his worst novel – “ I hate this book and I hope you hate it too ”. Essentially, he was begrudging its renown at the expense of his later “ superior ” novels. I didn’t hate the novel, although I do prefer the movie, probably because I saw it first and it was everything I wanted from a medieval Sherlock Holmes movie set in a monastery and devoted to forbidden books, knowledge and opinions.

Say hello to the Scream Extractor.

Monsters, Inc. (2001) (SPOILERS) I was never the greatest fan of Monsters, Inc. , even before charges began to be levelled regarding its “true” subtext. I didn’t much care for the characters, and I particularly didn’t like the way Pixar’s directors injected their own parenting/ childhood nostalgia into their plots. Something that just seems to go on with their fare ad infinitum. Which means the Pixars I preferred tended to be the Brad Bird ones. You know, the alleged objectivist. Now, though, we learn Pixar has always been about the adrenochrome, so there’s no going back…

No one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

The Matrix (1999) (SPOILERS) Twenty years on, and the articles are on the defining nature of The Matrix are piling up, most of them touching on how its world has become a reality, or maybe always was one. At the time, its premise was engaging enough, but it was the sum total of the package that cast a spell – the bullet time, the fashions, the soundtrack, the comic book-as-live-action framing and styling – not to mention it being probably the first movie to embrace and reflect the burgeoning Internet ( Hackers doesn’t really count), and subsequently to really ride the crest of the DVD boom wave. And now? Now it’s still really, really good.

All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies.

Watership Down (1978) (SPOILERS) I only read Watership Down recently, despite having loved the film from the first, and I was immediately impressed with how faithful, albeit inevitably compacted, Martin Rosen’s adaptation is. It manages to translate the lyrical, mythic and metaphysical qualities of Richard Adams’ novel without succumbing to dumbing down or the urge to cater for a broader or younger audience. It may be true that parents are the ones who get most concerned over the more disturbing elements of the picture but, given the maturity of the content, it remains a surprise that, as with 2001: A Space Odyssey (which may on the face of it seem like an odd bedfellow), this doesn’t garner a PG certificate. As the makers noted, Watership Down is at least in part an Exodus story, but the biblical implications extend beyond Hazel merely leading his fluffle to the titular promised land. There is a prevalent spiritual dimension to this rabbit universe, one very much

In a few moments, you will have an experience that will seem completely real. It will be the result of your subconscious fears transformed into your conscious awareness.

Brainstorm (1983) (SPOILERS) Might Brainstorm have been the next big thing – a ground-breaking, game-changing cinematic spectacle that had as far reaching consequences as Star Wars (special effects) or Avatar (3D) – if only Douglas Trumbull had been allowed to persevere with his patented “Showscan” process (70mm film photographed and projected at 60 frames per second)? I suspect not; one only has to look at the not-so-far-removed experiment of Ang Lee with Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk , and how that went down like a bag of cold sick, to doubt that any innovation will necessarily catch on (although Trumbull at least had a narrative hinge on which to turn his “more real than real” imagery, whereas Lee’s pretty much boiled down to “because it was there”). Brainstorm ’s story is, though, like its title, possibly too cerebral, too much concerned with the consciousness and touting too little of the cloyingly affirmative that Bruce Rubin inevitably brings to his screenplays. T

Piece by piece, the camel enters the couscous.

The Forgiven (2021) (SPOILERS) By this point, the differences between filmmaker John Michael McDonagh and his younger brother, filmmaker and playwright Martin McDonagh, are fairly clearly established. Both wear badges of irreverence and provocation in their writing, and a willingness to tackle – or take pot-shots – at bigger issues, ones that may find them dangling their toes in hot water. But Martin receives the lion’s share of the critical attention, while John is generally recognised as the slightly lesser light. Sure, some might mistake Seven Psychopaths for a John movie, and Calvary for a Martin one, but there’s a more flagrant sense of attention seeking in John’s work, and concomitantly less substance. The Forgiven is clearly aiming more in the expressly substantial vein of John’s earlier Calvary, but it ultimately bears the same kind of issues in delivery.

Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

Seinfeld 2.9: The Stranded The Premise George and Elaine are stranded at a party in Long Island, with a disgruntled hostess.

He tasks me. He tasks me, and I shall have him.

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) (SPOILERS) I don’t love Star Trek , but I do love Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan . That probably isn’t just me, but a common refrain of many a non-devotee of the series. Although, it used to apply to The Voyage Home (the funny one, with the whales, the Star Trek even the target audience for Three Men and a Baby could enjoy). Unfortunately, its high regard has also become the desperate, self-destructive, song-and-verse, be-all-and-end-all of the overlords of the franchise itself, in whichever iteration, it seems. This is understandable to an extent, as Khan is that rare movie sequel made to transcendent effect on almost every level, and one that stands the test of time every bit as well (better, even) as when it was first unveiled.

Now In Full Color, with a Happier Ending

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